What do you do when you can’t trust anymore? When the one you love more than your own wants and needs betrays you and trust is wary? What do you do? Do you try and work it out or do you just walk away or maybe you hold it in?
Tara has been in this whirlwind relationship with this guy for almost 7 years. She’s been the trophy woman that all men desire sort of, you know the work hard,church going, smart, witty, sassy, sexy, classy but freaky when needed, motherly, sisterly, homeboy when need be, supportive and just a good ole southern girl. She did it all. But it just never was enough.
Tara tells her story:
He loves stress. Peacefulness makes him nervous I think. I give him what he asks for and if I stray for one moment there is a temper tantrum that no two year old could even think of competing with. But as a young girl it made me work harder for his affection and when I achieved it, it was like getting that dose of your favorite drug. Aaahhhh….
The penal system interrupted our love like most young black couples these days. He did his time and expected me to do it with him too. I did to a certain extent and that displeased him too. With his newfound sabatical behind the brick walls I began to see another side of him. This is the side that was so raw and ratchet that I began to second guess little by little. Is he the right one?
The lies…. Wow they were ridiculous and ranged from various spectrums. I saw now that if he could punish me into submission he would. He would play on my emotions anyway he could to end up with the end result. A puppy dog drooling and wagging for him.
I remained with him through his prison stint and was actually nervous for him to come back home. Whether he thought about it or not we had spent more time apart than together. I was 19 when he left, now I’m a grown, mature and very different woman of 26.
He’s been home for about 9 months. He was released with full time served, free and clear of course until you think of the relationship he had waiting at home. Yea, the one he had been writing about, obssessing about, threatening, arguing, crying about for the past 5 1/2 years. Yet for some odd reason once he was home long enough to get a cell phone he began to forget about.
He wants children, always has. He promised to get out, get on the right track, work, ask for my hand in marriage and push me on toward graduation. That was the goal, that was the plan. But for some reason, hanging, sex and all the females who would listen was the only thing that ran through his mind.
Lies… did they start in prison, or before he went? Knowing already he has the capacity to say anything to get his way, I thought I would be prepared for what he might throw my way. What a little rebellion? Hey I can handle it, he couldn’t be half as bad as my ex.
Negative and epic fail. He is worse. A beast ,a monster, a goon and goblin all rolled into one. Facebook helped make it go all to hell even faster but I won’t say FB killed our relationship like I knew it would but it was a sure fire way to get it done.
I knew he was doing wrong when he wouldn’t let me look through his mail bundle. Then I looked through a photo album and all these slutty women had sent him pictures clad in lingerie trying to be sexy… they were a true epic fail.Why arouse a man who is locked up with other men? Yuck! But he had mixed our photos in which angered me. How could you mix my pictures in with these whores? Aren’t I suppose to be your future wife? My trust began to fade just a tad bit more right there.
Now let me pause. This is where my options kick in. I can either walk away, try to act like I didn’t see or try and work it out.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I stay, work it out and act like I didn’t feel my heart break a little. I’m pissed don’t get me wrong but if I’m going to act like I didn’t see it, I have to chill.
The texting became insane. I would sneak and look at the call log but nothing prepared me for the text messages I read as he clowned and acted a complete fool on his birthday. Him and another woman were sexting. I no longer had trust.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I did what I always do, I closed the phone back like it was and pretended my heart wasn’t completely crushed. With all the sex we were having, the pressure to not get pregnant was unsurmountable at times but I had to keep him pleased. And yes, I wanted it too so I won’t pass him off as a sex fiend. So why resort to phone sex?
I began to complain about the constant texting which caused many arguments more than I could count.
He had been hounding me about an Facebook page and eventually I broke down and made him a page. I let him get familiar and I could tell when he got real comfortable by the photo changing and things of that nature. So when I noticed the dramatic increase in friends I decided to check out the inbox. Yes, I went in his account and rifled through his messages finding exactly what I knew was there.
Hey girl I haven’t seen you in like 14 years, you are sexy…, hey beautiful and so on and so on. We argued, he changed his password. I was denied access, but it didn’t matter because I already knew what was there… just like I already knew this would be the outcome.
Our anniversay comes, he stands me up after years of making me dream of that day. I’m at my wits end, he has already blew me off for Valentine’s day but my 6th year of dealing with his selfish, selfish oh so selfish self I just couldn’t believe he would stoop that low. No more trust left at all.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I stay, but this time I open my mouth, I don’t pretend like nothing is wrong.
We begin to tank.
April is the month it all goes to black. We call ourselves trying to make up. We club and go home together. We make incredible love and I’m floating as we sleep in that day. We are so good to one another that I know that with a little work we can save us.
He leaves and goes to El Campo. Family visit I propose and keep it moving but I see his FB page one day and see the young woman post about her wonderful time with my man. She’s commenting on the songs he post like he’s talking to and about her. He must was…
I inbox her, she inboxes me… My trust is no longer existent in his world. Period.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do? I walk away…
You can have that lying cheater. That’s what I tell her. He lies. He did and will and he did to her eventually just like he did to me.
Of course I came back, didn’t I already express its like the best drug ever to have him in me. To be twisted and confused, happy in bliss of the ignorance of what else could he possibly do to hurt me.
We have yet to get back together but the push and pull of breaking up is unyielding. We won’t leave but he won’t stay. He’s in and out. His temperment is as nasty as any storm in the Gulf. I still try extra hard to keep him, a never ending race.
We fought all summer only ceasing for back breaking sex. My last disappointment came for my birthday. He stood me up at my dinner party. He tried to pump a baby in me the day before though but he couldn’t manage to show for the big event. Great potential in a father right? He said only death could keep him away… He’s breathing just fine.
I cut him off again until recently when he wiggled his way back in to be on his way back out. Everything he says is truly up to debate. He is not a man of his word yet he doesn’t ever want his word questioned.
What do you do when you can’t trust them? Do you stay? When every time he says I’ll be right back you question or I’m going to handle this and you say yea right in your head so loud it actually comes out your mouth. Do you stay when his lies could pose a health risk because you don’t know his sexual practices with others or if its safe to be around him period because of the things he will act like he’s not doing behind your back… example the 5 year prison sentence. Based on a lie, might I add.
But why, leave. If I could truly work it out shouldn’t I? Maybe, maybe not. Its all up to chance now.You know a liar is just like a snake in the grass. Its up to you to determine whether that snake is a garden snake or a King Cobra.
In retrospect of the Troy Davis execution, my brain started to turn once again about the way young black males can prevent themselves from being in situations like this.
After reading articles and testimonies from the Davis trial, I came to believe that if the jury didn’t convict him on physical evidence; they must have took his character analysis into mind when they made their decision on his fate. How else could they render a verdict of death on such circumstancial evidence and depositions full of heresay?
Taking emotion, race and the idea of a heirachy of people (that makes the crime of killing a cop a little more brutal than a regular citizen)out of the equation and picture yourself as a juror in Georgia, early 90’s.Would you convict Troy Davis with no physical evidence and 7 out of 9 eyewitness testimonies recanted?
But if you added back in the equation race, emotion and the heirachy of people that gives the elevated status of a policer officer in the eyes of society and the judicial system with no phyiscal evidence, faulty testimony but add in run down on the actions of Troy Davis on the night he was accused of murder, would you convict him now?
“Smoke and mirrors” is what the Georgia appealette courts declared the defense’s tactics, but was the jury’s opinion of Davis compromised by his character analysis by the prosecution? But most importantly did Davis compromise his own case by his actions that night and his character traits for years?
Davis was accused of shooting a man in the face just hours before Mc Phail was murdered, also was described arguing outside of a party, helping out in a beating of a man over a beer in which the other suspect there accuses Davis of assault and murder. All of these things were described of Davis but all of these things happened in a course of one night. What an ugly character, dangerous to be walking the streets right?
Davis family told a story of a good son, brother and community member. He dropped out of school to drive his sister to the doctor, he helped the younger kids out in the neighborhood. His personality was laid back and cool. Murder wasn’t a characteristic of Troy Davis, according to the people who knew him best. Even the young man that was shot in the car after the verbal altercation with Davis, confessed he didn’t think Davis was his shooter… it just wasn’t his character.
But the perception of one’s actions can convict you before you can even begin to prove innoncence. How people see race, sex, economics and the issues of the society at that time play a major factor in how people are judged. The stereotypes, the fear, the pressure of protecting their homes and communities from vagabonds that roam the streets at night partying and looking for trouble, most likely plagued all the jurors, but wouldn’t it plague you?
The way we dress, talk , walk , the company we keep and the places we frequent could land us in a world of trouble if we don’t watch our actions. Character can land you the job or on a cold slab dead.
The penal system is populated with young black men who were convicted on their character. Many so young adoning a juvenile record that is as long as their legs and still growing like their legs. Known as the hoodlum who stands on the corner with his pants hanging. He stole my purse, he broke into my car and stole my radio, he never went to school… All of that added up to a life sentence on Tennessee Colony in Palestine, but for something he didn’t do this one time… maybe.
Prevention is the only way to keep oneself free. Black, White, Mexican, German it doesn’t matter… what you see is what you get goes a long way with people. Circumstancial evidence can “fly” if not soar in a jury panel. If you scream Thug Life you must be a thug, if you were seen out at the scene of a murder you must be a murder.
Some situations can be prevented. Troy Davis could have walked past that argument in that parking lot. McPhail would have not had a reason to intervine in the action if Davis would have kept on going. The perception of the actions of that night made him look like he could kill. His character appeared aggressive and unstable. Those jurors had the duty to wield justice and to protect the state of Georgia from heinous acts like that.
Circumstancial evidence and lies help convict Troy Davis, but so did his actions and the character he potrayed on that fateful August night in 1989. Davis left the world but not in vain. Use him as an example of how the proof of evidence isn’t always the deciding factor in your fate but your character and how you are perceived.
-MY WORDS AND LOVE,
Troy Davis died by lethal injection Wednesday, September 21, 2011 at 11:08 p.m. at the Georgia Diagnostic and Classification Prison in Jackson, Georgia. After four attempts to prolong Davis’s life, he lost his battle with the state of Georgia and died by lethal injection.
Davis spent 20 years on Death Row for the 1991 murder conviction of an off- duty police officer, Mark MacPhail, in the parking lot of a Burger King in Savannah, Georgia in 1989.
Through out the investigation and trial process of this murder, Davis’s case was plagued with issues that over the course of twenty years began to rise to the surface.
“Such incredibly flawed eyewitness testimony should never be the basis for an execution,” Stephen Marsh, Davis’s lawyer, said to CBS News. “To execute someone under these circumstances would be unconscionable.”
Consciousness has always been an issue in Davis’s case and could very well be the reason for his conviction and execution. With all of two out of nine eyewitness testimonies not recanted those testimonies showed impropriety in the investigating process to where witnesses alleged coersion by police officers during questioning. There also is the issue of physical evidence which is a gun that was never recovered and another suspect that points the finger at Davis but is very much involved himself.
“He has had ample time to prove his innocence,”Joan MacPhail-Harris, MacPhail’s widow said. “And he is not innocent.”
The word innocent is a far cry from the perception of Davis after you read through the events of the evening. It almost sounds like he could be a menace. Davis is said to have shot at someone else earlier that evening prior to the murder of MacPhail although the victim of that shooting testified he barely knew Davis and he didn’t think he was the one who shot him. The idea of innocence and Davis seemed fragile in the early 90’s and it landed him a death sentence.
Davis’s lack of motivation in school and work altered perceptions while his community members stood up and said he was like a big brother to the children in the neighborhood. His good deeds for his family and community did not sway a jury that had to make a decision off of character, heresay and no physical evidence.
The courts in Georgia have said the defense case is “smoke and mirrors” and denied the appeals for clemency. Davis and many many followers prolonged this life until late Wednesday night, taking the spotlight away from another big death row execution of Lawrence Brewer, convicted of dragging to death, James Byrd, in Jasper, Texas.
Davis has also put the issue of the death penalty back in center ring as the public are becoming more and more aware of faulty verdicts and exonerations are becoming more and more prevalent. The crowds that gathered outside of the prison unit Davis was executed at was well into the hundreds as they picketed and prayed for and with the Davis family.
Yet after much deliberation Davis life ceased at 11:08p.m. in the state he was born in, Georgia. As of current date Georgia has executed 39 people as of 1976 and Davis will make 40.
“The state of Georgia is about to demonstrate why government can’t be trusted with the power over life and death,”Laura Moye of Amnesty International said before Davis was put to death.
Hello to all of my readers and to the new ones I will gain! This new blog that I have created will encompass hot and pressing issues that occur internationally. I will leave it public and incorporate a visual assessment of my skill for a journalism class I am being held accountable to take at Texas Southern University.
The esteemed professor of this class is Eric Harris, a journalist from Houston, Texas. He has taken his writing talents and a created career that has taken him from coast to coast. He has returned to his native stomping grounds of Houston to teach his craft to students who have decided to take the first steps in informing the world of the news and issues around them.
Harris, has intertwined the new style of reporting with a new generation of students by using blogging as a tool to push the art of writing while preparing the student for the pressure of having their work displayed publicly to be critiqued by anyone who chooses to read. This is a jump from the style I learned in the same place about 7 years prior.
Journalism is changing and so is the style in which it is being taught. Professional reporters see the need to transform their classrooms to a multi media center that is much slower and quieter than a news room but just as accessible to information and equipment as if they are sitting in a newsroom.
But my dear readers, understand this blog is still real news and issues. I will post weekly on current events so log in to see if your interest has been addressed!
Happy reading and stay informed.
-Myra M. Griffin